some questions are only meant for god to answer

I cannot--I cannot--imagine what the friends and family members of the victims in Connecticut are experiencing.  I cannot imagine the trauma the survivors are dealing with, and will continue to deal with, for years and years to come.

I don't know what to say about the shooting at Sandy Hook.  I don't know if there's anything to say at all.

So why do I write about it?  To cope, I guess.  I don't pretend to be a victim of this tragedy.  I don't pretend to know what those affected by the shooting are thinking, or what the perpetrator was thinking. I don't pretend that my sorrow means anything compared to the sorrow of those close to this horror, or even to the sorrow of those affected by similar horrors, or even to the sorrow of parents who have children that attend any elementary school and will now--again--suffer the anxiety of uncertainty regarding their children's safety.  I don't pretend that my words will do anything to alleviate their pain.  But the awful truth is that this tragedy, in one way or another, touches all of us.  I just need a way to deal.

Today the media is focusing, overwhelmingly, on the tragedy.  That's fine.  That's to be expected.  But I hope that, in the coming days, more and more stories will emerge about people who acted heroically, who acted rightly, who acted with charity and love and comfort and courage and grace during this event.  I hope that's what we can focus on, and I hope that those are the people and actions we can foreground.

I've been angry about many things I've heard today.  I've been angry at the shooter.  I've been angry about what I've heard about the shooter.  I've been angry about what others have said about the shooter.  I've been angry about the comments I've heard trying to spin this situation one way or another regarding a particular political issue.  I've been angry about the situation in general, and some other things besides.  And, perhaps, I'll write about those feelings of anger one day.  But not today.  There's been enough of those kinds of feelings today.

Instead, today, I pray.  I pray for the shooter's family, and, if I can, I'll pray for the shooter.  But, more importantly, I pray for the families, victims, and survivors.  I'll send my thoughts and condolences to them.  I'm ashamed that's all I can do, but that's just it--right now, today, that's all I can do; that's all I know to do.

I really don't know what else to say.  Some questions are only meant for God to answer.